Hay Visage form SaneTicklish
By Clam-hand Seymour

Truss denied beef oar Crispness, win ol' Trudy Howes
Nordic reacher walls tearing, nod event aim house;
Dull stalkings war hunk bite a chimp knee wick air,
Ann Hoops dead Sane Ticklish zoom wood beat hair;

Dutch hill din where nuzzled alls knock inner bets,
Wild fissions oaf shirker-plunks dense dinner hats;
Hand Muumuu inner kirk sheaf, hand iron mike cat,
Hedges saddled are brines furrow lunk win terse snap

Win newt honor long dare arrows Sedgewick clabber,
High sprain foamy bet two sea watt wasp damn adder.
Highway tudor winter high flue liquor flesh,
Tow rope in dull shudders hand through upper slash;

Dull moan, honey breads off dull Newfoundland's know,
Caver lust her off mitt-denied two hob jets bull owe;
Win, wad Tormé one daring ice shoulder peer,
Butter Minnie at your slay, hand ate tinny reigned ear,

Width hey ladle load dry verse sew life lee hank wick,
Eye new winner moan meant id muss pea Sane Tick.
Moe rabid Denny gulls hiss corset stay cane,
Andy weasled, end show Ted, ankled dam pine aim:

"New, Dashboard! new, Denser, new Prankster ham Fixin's!
Um, Comic! um, Cuspid! um Donkey ham Blintzes!
Trudy Topper deep Porsche, Trudy Topper dew awl!
New dasher weigh, dasher weigh, dasher weigh, haul!"

Asp try leaps debt beef oar DeWilde hurry crane fry,
Windy meat width end octopus, mound Trudy Sky,
Sew, hup Trudy how-stop dull corsets day flue,
Width E slay fuller toils - hand Sane Ticklish, two.

End den inner tinkling eye herd honor Ruth
Deep rinsing hand pouring huff itch ladle hoop.
Has eye drooling mine had, hand wasp darning our hound,
Dandy chimp knee Sane Ticklish cane width ape browned.

Hay wasp tressed hauling far frame hiss had two is food,
Andy's close wear awl tar knish twit hash ass end zoot;
Hay bungle oft oys hee-hawed flunk honest black,
Andy lugged leaker paddler jest hope ending hiss plaque.

Hiss size howdy tinkled! Hiss dim pals hew Mary!
Hiss cheats warlike rows is, hiss knows lighter chair he;
Hissed roll ladle mouse walls drown nope lighter beau,
Andy beer down hiss shin wasp has wide hazards know.

Day stomp offer pie pea Hal tie Dennis teat,
Andy small kit in circus 'tis had leaker reef;
Hee-hawed ape rod phase Andy ladle runt Billy
Debt choke whinny left, leaker bowel fuller chili.

Hewers chumpy end plumb - air ride jelly hold Alf;
Hand eye left win eye sore ham, an spider mice elf.
Hay win coffee sigh, any twits office had,
Zoom gamy two no eye head no think two dredge.

Hay spook nodder wart, bud wind strayed Toohey smirk,
Hen Phill dollars talkings; den tern twitter chert,
Anne delaying hiss fink her upside office knows,
Anne gifting hay not, upper chimp knee heroes.

Hay sprain two hiss slay, two hiss steam cave hay weasel,
Andy weigh day haul flue leaker town offer this'll;
Bud eye her Tim eggs claim, airy trove Audi side,
"Hoopy Crispness two haul, ant two hauler goo-denied!"

Click on the ornament to read the original poem,
A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement C. Moore.

Back around World War II, rationing was common. Professor Howard L. Chace wondered what would happen if words were rationed, forcing people to make do with whatever was left, and came up with Anguish Languish. The idea was to substitute words or phrases with different words or phrases that sounded close to the original. Chace translated a lot of fairy tales into Anguish Languish - a good example is Little Red Riding Hood, which translates as Ladle Rat Rotten Hut. This example appeared in The Next Whole Earth Catalog which was published after The Last Whole Earth Catalog.

There's a web site by Kevin Rice that contains the complete text of Prof. Chace's book Anguish Languish. Rice says the book, published in 1956, is out of copyright.

About ten years ago, having a little too much free time on my hands, I decided to translate Clement C. Moore's A Visit from Saint Nicholas into Anguish Languish. I first posted this on GEnie's TeleJoke category The Punnery in December of '91.

This version of the page uses prints by Thomas Nast, the famous 19th century illustrator. Nast's illustrations for Moore's poem, done forty years after it was written, along with the poem itself, have done much to shape modern-day views of Santa Claus. This page and the page with the original poem were done in December 2001 using Macromedia's Dreamweaver 4.

Mary Crispness, ovary won, Andy Hoopy Nude Ear!